Light And Dark
by Atori1001
Summary: Light is given a second chance at life. Will he do the right thing and save lives, or will he follow the same path of destruction? Unfortunately for him, things may not go as planed... Various parings. Better than summary!
1. Remembering

**A/N: Hello! The first chapter is weird but all shall be explained later on, so bear with me!**

**Gigantic thank you to scooterwoof for beta-ing!**

_**Italic**_**is memories**

**{…} is the voice**

**The memory is word for word from the anime. It will be AU so all the characters will be OOC.**

**This will be YAOI so don't like, don't read!**

**Dissclamer: I own nothing. Nada. Rien. Niente. . Τίποτα.Ничего.**

**Chapter 1: Remembering**

Everything is white.

I can't see.

It hurts.

Why does it hurt?

Everything is pain and more pain.

What am I doing here?

Do I deserve this pain?

Where is 'here' anyways?

{You are repenting.}

I don't understand.

Repenting for what?

If I'm repenting then I did something wrong.

{What don't you understand?}

Everything.

How can I repent, if I don't know what I'm repenting for?

{Then what do you feel?}

Pain and…sorrow?

Why do I feel sorrow?

Did somebody die?

{Yes.}

Who?

Why?

Did I kill them?

Is that why I'm repenting?

{Yes.}

Why?

{Search. You know the answers.}

Search?

How can I know the answers if I don't remember them.

{But you do. Search your memories.}

How?

{I will show you.}

I feel like screaming as I find my self in a different setting. The change makes me understand, but I'm too confused to do that. And besides, I don't think I could even scream. Do I even have a voice? A body? There are so many questions running through my head that I don't know which ones to ask. It's strange, I feel something. What is this desire? This urge to continue onwards? Why am I so rushed? It's as if I have something important to do.

_I'm running down a hallway, checking every room, looking for someone. I suddenly remember something and head for the roof. I'm in a rush, and by the time I reach the roof, I'm sprinting. It's raining, so I stop at the door, just out of reach of the worst of the rain. I see him and give a sigh of relief. I can feel a few drops pass my shelter and fall softly on my skin. Ryuuzaki's face is slightly tilted toward the sky, letting the rain drip down his cheeks. It almost looks like he's crying._

"_What are you doing there, standing by yourself?"_

_L lifts his hand to his ear as if he can't hear me. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, the rain is loud, after all._

_I raise my of hand and cup it beside my mouth, repeating myself. This time I speak louder and with clear pronunciation to make sure he can hear me. I don't like repeating myself._

_He repeats the same gesture but with a small smile. I stand still for a few seconds, pondering whether or not I should simply abandon him there, but finally resign myself to getting wet. I raise my arm to shield my face from the worst of the rain, narrow my eyes, and walk towards him._

_I let a small sigh make its way past my lips as I get in hearing range._

"_What are you doing, Ryuuzaki?"_

_He had watched me approach with his big panda eyes but now he turns away._

"_Oh, I'm not doing anything in particular, it's just…"_

_His voice is quiet and resigned, sad even. I don't like it when he's like this, I don't like it at all._

"…_I hear the bell."_

"_The bell?"_

_Whatever I was expecting, it sure wasn't this. A bit of my skepticism creeps into my voice. I'm really starting to question his sanity now, or what's left of it, anyway._

"_Yes. The sound of the bell has been unusually loud today."_

_His voice is getting quieter by the word. I look away, listening._

"_I don't hear anything."_

_I'm sure he can hear the disbelief in my voice and he turns to look at me._

"_Really? You can't hear it? It's been ringing nonstop all day; I find it…very distracting. I wonder if it's a church, a wedding or perhaps a…"_

_He turns around again and lapses into silence, as if he doesn't want to say the rest of his thought._

"_What are you getting at, Ryuuzaki? Come on, cut it out; let's get back inside."_

_My voice his harsher than I had wanted it to be, the cold and wetness are making me impatient. He turns back to wards me, but looks at the ground._

"_I'm sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it."_

_I tilt my head slightly to the side. What the hell is he playing at now? He looks so depressed that I sigh and soften my features, closing my eyes._

"_You know, you're totally right. Honestly, most of the things you say sound like complete nonsense."_

_I let a bit of laughter enter my voice and open my eyes to find him staring at me._

"_There'd be no end to my troubles if I actually took you seriously all the time. I probably know that better than anyone."_

"_Yes, I would say that's a fair assessment. But, I could say the same about you."_

"_Hmm? What's that suppose to mean?"_

"_Tell me Light, from the moment you where born, has there ever been a time where you actually told the truth?"_

_As he finished talking, we simply stood, looking at each other in complete silence. Even the rain seamed to silence it's self._

"_Where's this coming from, Ryuuzaki? I do admit, I stretch the truth here and there, however, find me one person in this world who has never told a lie, it wouldn't be easy. Human beings just aren't made to be perfect; everybody lies from time to time. Even so, I have always made a conscious effort to be carful not to tell a lie that could hurt others. That's my answer."_

_He looked at me disbelieving before turning away again._

"_I had a feeling you'd say something like that. Let's go back inside, we're both drenched. "_

"_Yeah."_

_I chuckled a bit, now he notices?_

Was that, one of my 'memories'?

{Yes.}

I still don't understand. What was I doing there? Who is 'Ryuuzaki'?

{Disappointing. I would have thought you could figure that out yourself. I will give you more time.}

More time? More time to do what?

{Do not think of that. Think only of what you have just seen. Think, and remember, Kira.}

**A/N: Sorry for the shortness! I really can't help it! :P The next chapy will be up soon.**


	2. Recollection

**A/N:** Sweatdrop Looooong chapter. I'm feeling depressed... I had to watch the anime again to find good memories and, and, and…! Matty…Mels….L….WHY? *sob* Plus I decided not to use them after so all that pain is more or less useless.

Holy shit, I have not updated in forever! I have good reasons, I swear! Does anyone want to hear them?

Well, it went something like this…

_5 minutes after last update_

_Bird, you're going to your cousins cottage tomorrow. Pack your bag; your uncle will be here to pick you up at seven._

…_**ok**_

_After returning from cousins cottage 2 weeks later_

_Bird, we're going to R&S's cottage. Pack your bags, where leaving in 1 hour._

_**Short notice much?**_

_After returning from R&S's cottage 1 week later_

_Guess what, Bird? Were going to Nova Scotia! By car! We're leaving at 6 so pack your bags._

_**Why?**_

_After coming back from Nova Scotia 3 weeks later_

_We're going to Toronto to visit my aunts and uncles because your father wants to go see some boat show! We're leaving Friday so go pack._

_**Sigh**_

_After 1 week in Toronto_

_**Finally, some peace.**_

_Supper time:_

_I got the email today, you start school in two week._

All movement stops.

_**So much for summer.**_

Father gets up to check the calendar.

_Oh, woops. You have exactly one week counting today._

_!_

_**~End explanation~**_

Am I forgiven? My school starts at 8:30 and ends at 5:30 not to mention the fact that I play flute (I have to practice an hour per day + private lessons, group lessons and recitals/concerts) and I'm in competitive synchronized swimming (shadup) so I really have no time.

Ok, sob story of my life over.

My updating will suck so much your probably all going to hate me. I will try my best to write during school but I have no laptop so I have to fight with my mum for the computer anyways. BUT I should be getting a laptop for Christmas so yay for writing when I should sleep!

Sorry~!

* * *

**Chapter 2: Recollection**

There is nothing to see.

There is nothing to smell.

There is nothing to hear.

There is nothing to feel.

There is nothing to taste.

There is nothing to sense.

The world is black.

The world is empty.

The world is nothingness.

Black is empty.

Black is nothing.

If I could see, I would see black.

If I could smell, I would smell black.

If I could hear, I would hear black.

If I could feel, I would feel black.

If I could taste, I would taste black.

If I could sense, I would sense black.

If I could do anything, the answer would always be black, empty, nothing.

Shackled in the darkness, robed of my senses, suspended by invisible threads, all I can do is wait.

How long has it been since the voice last visited me?

Hours?

Days?

Months?

Years?

I can't tell.

I don't even know how many times it's come and gone.

Five times?

Ten?

More?

Less?

Every time it appears, it shows me more memories, more thoughts. Each one is excruciatingly clearer than the last.

The voice shows me so much that it confuses me.

I can't tell the difference between reality and dreams.

Is the darkness a dream and what the voice shows me reality?

Or is the voice the dream and everything else reality?

The dreams are more like reruns of the memories the voice shows me but they feel like nightmares. They always have to do with what I regret, miss, or fear the most. I hate them.

The voice told me that if I don't remind myself of all it tells me, I might forget again. The dreams- the nightmares-remind me of what I want to forget. I try forgetting them, but if I do, the voice shows me them straight away.

When I'm awake, or at the very least able to think clearly, I have to make a list of who I am, of what I've done, and feel everything that defines me.

My name is Yagami Raito.

I have a little sister named Yagami Sayu.

My mother is Yagami Sachiko.

My father is Yagami Sochiro

My father is the department chief of the NPA.

He was born July 12, 1955

I was born, raised, and lived in the Kanto region of Japan. (I can't remember the actual place…gha! I fail at life! :sob:)

My little sister was born on June 18, 1989.

She was very kindhearted and looked up to me.

She encouraged me to become the greatest detective, my life ambition.

She studied at Eishu Junior High School.

She always asked me for help with her mathematic homework.

I was always very smart. It separated me from others, differentiated me.

I was an ace student with great prospects, bored out of my mind.

I was always pretending, trying to be perfect, trying to make everyone like me.

Manipulating people was my favorite game.

The voice called me Kira. It sounds like killer.

The list goes on and on, starting with the little truths and ending with the important things.

The voice pops up out of nowhere, like always.

"Must I show you your entire life for you to remember? You are making me wait too long. I had wished to avoid forcing you to remember, but I can wait no longer. Today, you must remember, regardless of the shock it may cause you."

A shiver runs up my spin. This feeling is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Usually, when I'm watching a memory, I do it from afar. I can move around, I can listen to only one person, I can do what I want, but here, I'm unable to move. This looks and feels like a memory, could it be something else? Not only am I frozen, but I'm no longer an observer. This time, I'm really reliving this particular memory.

"This is indeed one of your memories, but since simply showing you isn't enough to make you remember, I must make you relive everything. This time, you can no longer watch as if in a movie theater, this time, you will relive everything your soul is trying to lock away."

His voice is so harsh and urgent that I quickly stop trying to move and simply give in, letting his voice fade away into the background. As I let the voice fade away, my ears are hit by the low hum of conversation all around me.

I'm sitting in a classroom beside a window with my chin resting in my hands. I'm so bored. These classes might as well be picture books, there so easy. They offer no challenges what so ever for me. The teacher is rambling on about something no one cares about, doesn't he notice that no one is listening to him?

_Listen for the voice of God and never guess you will…_

'This lecture is pathetic.'

The students are all chatting, playing games or doodling instead of listening to the teacher.

'Fools. All of them.'

_I haven't done anything but he said he wanted to split up with me…_

'Who cares about your love life? No wonder he got fed up with you.'

_So what happened?_

'If you're going to pretend to care, you should at least do a better job.'

The teacher's voice is just a background noise; I drown most of it out, listening only in case he calls on me to answer.

'He probably will. They always seem to think I don't know the answer. Foolish.'

"Yagami-kun? Is there something wrong?"

'Right on cue.'

I look up with the slightly dopy expression my classmates use. Unlike her pitiful acting skills, my masks are perfect.

"Can you translate the previous sentence into Japanese please?"

I sigh and get out of my seat to translate the sentence.

'How troublesome.'

"Follow the voice of God and he shall calm the waves and protect us from storms."

My intonation and pronunciation are both perfect, without a flaw in my translation.

'Heh. They all look amazed. Did they actually believe that I wouldn't be able to do it?'

* * *

The setting changes. Now I'm walking down the street, heading home. The news is playing. I'm reading a book while walking. Cars are passing buy with a loud rumble. People are hustling about chatting on there cell phones or to the people beside them. It's all so loud, I want to freeze everything.

"_At 11 'o' clock today, in the city of Yokohama, Kanagawa Prefecture, a thirty year-old man was found covered in blood at his apartment. The Kanagawa police are currently treating this case as a suspected homicide."_

'I'm so tired of this.'

I have to stop and wait for the light to turn green. My gaze wanders to the giant television screen playing the news before settling back on my book.

"_Next on the news, today in the district of Shibuya, Tokyo, a 25 year-old woman was gagged and killed by her live-in partner. 35 year-old Tofuji Naoki is being held in custody charged with her murder. "_

'Day after day…It's always the same news. This world is…rotting.'

_Another is the extinction of many species of life on the planet…_

I'm back in the classroom, beside the window. Nothing has changed, the teacher still drones on will the students chat amongst themselves. It's always the same monotonous color of gray.

_You seriously went to see that shit?_

_It was a complete was of time!_

They're all boring. The world outside is the most fascinating thing here. I'm still leaning on my hand.

_Species are becoming extinct at a faster rate than has occurred previously…_

Something catches my attention. Something is falling. A notebook?

I watch as it slowly tumbles toward the earth. As it passes before the window in a ray of light, I see two words written on the cover.

I can't read them very well, but they appear to be in English.

I'm thinking about it for the rest of the class.

When it finally ends, I go the yard, wondering if someone will have picked it up by now.

It's still there, in the shadow of the building. I bend down to pick it up. As I thought, the words are in English.

"Death Note? Literally translated as 'a note book of death'."

I chuckle a bit as I open it, this is just like one of those emails that say if you don't forward it to ten people then you will get cancer.

"The human whose name is written in this note shall die."

My eyes widen a bit and I close it with a snap before placing it back on the ground.

'What a joke. It's pretty sick, though no different than chain letters.'

I walk away. Two girls sitting on a bench turn towards me with a gasp as I walk by, but I take no notice of them.

'The human whose name is written in this book shall die?'

I backtrack and pick it up. Such a thing might even entertain me for tonight…

The note book is still on my mind as I walk home. I still can't believe I really picked it up.

'You gotta be joking. I must be going insane…'

* * *

Once I get to my room, I take the book out of my bag and stat reading it.

'The notebook will have no effect unless the writer can picture their victim's face in their mind when they write.

This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name.

If the cause of death is written when 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen as it is written.

If the cause of death is not specified, by default the person will die of a heart attack.

Should a cause of death be specified, a further 6 minutes and 40 seconds are granted to write further details.'

"Hum! So this means you can kill them quickly or painfully, huh?" I can't help but smirk as I speak; it's all so foolish, almost like a child game.

"Quite a lot of details to go into for such a simple prank…not bad."

The sun is just setting and I'm already bored. Guess it was too optimistic to hope it would entertain me for the whole evening. I lie down with a sigh and stare at the ceiling, mulling the contents over in my mind.

"Writing a name causes someone to die...? Completely pointless."

Even though that's what I think, I can't help my curiosity from growing. I get up and sit at my desk with the notebook, open it at the first page, and think of a name to write.

Right when I'm about to begin. I hesitate.

'But wait… On the off chance that someone actually does die, wouldn't that make me a murderer? '

I smirked at my own foolishness.

'Impossible. It'd never happen.'

My TV had been on and drew my attention towards it. The news was playing.

_The phantom killer who attacked 6 people in Shinjuku's business district yesterday, has now taken eight children and kindergarten teachers as hostages and is holed up in this nursery. The police have identified the man as Otoharada Kirou, age 42, unemployed. It seems that they're about to begin negotiations…_

It was perfect. If the note could truly kill, then a criminal was the best person to test it on. He wouldn't be missed…the world would be a better place without people like him…Yes, he was perfect for this test. I would know immediately if he died, the TV would tell me the cause of death and the time, too.

I quickly wrote his name down while keeping his hideous face in my mind. If it really did kill, then the rules would have to be obeyed.

As I finished writing the last letter, I turned towards the digital clock on my desk.

'According to the book, he should have a heart attack in 40 seconds.'

I relaxed in my chair, waiting.

_At the present time, we don't have a lot of information._

The scene shifted to the main reporter at the station.

_You can't help but feel extremely concerned for the safety of the hostages?_

What a stupid question to ask.

_Indeed._

_That's all there is to report from the scene at this present moment._

_Thank you._

_What do you make of the current situation, Hashimoto-san?_

_Well, all I can say is that we can only hope to resolve this situation quickly._

I looked away from the pointless conversation and looked at the clock. It had been 41 seconds already and nothing had happened.

'Looks like the notebook was a joke after all'

I couldn't help the slight disappointment from stinging me. I almost regretted the fact that it was only a joke.

'Nothing happened after all. I guess that was to be expected.'

I got up and prepared to shut the TV off but stop mid-motion.

_Ah! Wait a minute! Something appears to be happening!_

I froze; my hand still on the power button.

'Could the notebook be real after all?'

_The hostages are coming out! They all appear to be unharmed!_

'Could it be…?'

_The police are rushing the building as the hostages exit. Has the culprit being apprehended? Yes! We've just heard that the culprit was found dead in the nursery!_

I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped me. Was it a heart attack?

_Yes, it looks like the culprit is dead!_

"Dead?" I couldn't stop myself from looking at the notebook, at the name I had written down and wondering, wondering if maybe I…

_The riot police have denied shooting the man. Then, this might imply that he committed suicide when he found himself cornered? According to the hostages' statements, 'He suddenly collapsed'._

Their words were all merging together. My breathing was erratic. I was scared.

'A heart attack… No. Coincidence…This has to be coincidence.'

"Raito? It's already 6:30. Don't you have cram school today?"

I jump at the sudden voice but it was only my mother. Thankfully, her voice was coming from downstairs.

"I'm just getting ready."

My voice was a little shaky, but I kept the worst of the tremors at bay. It was simply a coincidence, nothing to worry about…

**A/N: ****Ok, so that's it folks! And yes, I say folks! This thing took me so long to write! Sorry about the word for word from the anime, I promise only one more chapter like this and the original (-ish) part shall begging! So bear with me and my bad updating for a little longer! I really like this one and actually plotted part of it out, so I'm mainly going to stick to this one for a wile. No promises though!**

**Review please! I need to know if people actually like the crap I write! The next thing I update will probably be my random crack one-shot thingy of doom. Just a heads up^^ because it'll probably scare you all deeply…**

**AA/N: Ya..sorry for the really long a/n but this chappy was actually ready over a month ago, there was a problem with the connection so my awesome beta only after I sent it again. Boy oh boy does she beta fast! I got it last week but made you suffer so I could start updating once a week(not necessarily this, just something :P)**

**Also, I've been extremely sick all week and only got out of bed to update cuz I'm making Friday my official updating day. Review to make my poor sickly self feel better?**


	3. The End and the Beginning

**A/N: I have a cold! It's the 1****st**** of September and I have a cold! I woke up this morning to go to school, walked there (which, by the way, takes my half an hour) only to find out I was right all along and have a day off today! GHA! I feel so crummy right now! Well, I've officially decided that you will be hearing from me once a week. It won't be this fic only, but those of you who have me on alert author shall be spammed by me every Friday :P**

**UNBETAED had to go over it again, so many stupid lines to add...**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3: The End and the Beginning**

* * *

The child is breaking.

Perhaps it is too much.

No.

He can make it.

Maybe this really is too much.

Look at him.

He suffers.

His soul is tearing.

We should stop.

Let him rest a bit before continuing.

No.

He is strong.

He will make it.

Just a little more.

His soul is splintering.

It will hold.

How can you be so sure?

It will hold because it must.

This is his last chance, if he doesn't survive this…

Yes, this is the last time.

There can be no more chances.

He must succeed, for all of us.

Let's just hope it's not too much.

* * *

It can't be true, can it?

I'm not a murderer!

I didn't do it!

That's not me!

No…

No more, no more!

Make it go away!

I don't want to remember!

Make it stop!

Leave me alone!

It hurts…

Please stop!

I don't believe you!

This isn't the truth!

You're all lying!

It's not the truth…

It can't be…

* * *

Just a little more, child.

Accept it.

Show him.

We cannot.

He suffers.

It is too much for him.

He will make it because he must.

Let us hurry.

We must not waste more time.

It has already been too long.

We must end this.

Before he breaks.

Perhaps it is too late.

He is a strong child.

That does not change the fact that he is still a child.

But an important child.

Too important to loose.

Once more.

It will be too much.

He will survive.

But at what cost?

Enough, we must carry on as planed, regardless.

But what if he breaks?

That is a chance we must be willing to face.

He is a strong child.

Yes, a strong child.

He can make it.

He must.

* * *

As the man gets hit by a truck, I can't help but feel afraid and disgusted.

I caused this.

I killed him.

I wrote his name down, knowing he would die…I killed him!

But he's a criminal!

No one will miss him!

He was a monster!

He deserved to die!

Yeah, deserved to die.

So I did a good thing.

I'm cleansing the world.

And the death note…

The death note…is real!

* * *

A dreadful creature.

I'm scared.

I've been feeling that a lot lately.

Fear.

I shouldn't feel fear.

I'm god!

God of a new world!

God can't feel fear.

It's a Shinigami.

A god of death.

He told me when a human uses the death Note, they can no longer got to either haven or hell…

But I'm not a human anymore…

No I'm god….

God of a new world!

Soon the world will know that I'm here…

That someone is passing righteous judgment on them!

And I… will reign over a new world as god!

They will all fear me…

Their will be no more crime!

People will become good…

Or I'll kill them!

* * *

Killing criminals becomes my occupation, my hobby, my job, my life.

I cleansed the world bit by bit, whenever I have the chance.

At school during the boring lectures.

At home when my parents think I'm studying.

Everywhere.

It became like an obsession.

When that stupid Shinigami, Ryuk, told me that whoever touched the note would be a bled to see him, I entered a frenzy.

My priority then became finding a way to hide it adequately.

I carried it everywhere with me until I found a perfect location, a solution to my problem.

I used a false bottom to conceal it, but unlike other people, I didn't stop there. I added a few personal touches to make sure only I would be able to retrieve it. If anyone else where to try it without the proper 'key', the notebook would be reduced to ashes.

It was the perfect plan, and it worked perfectly.

The masses gave me a new name.

I didn't particularly like it, but at least the feared my power.

Some even worshiped me!

I had become a god in the truest sense of the word.

The people viewed me as a god, so I was a god.

Kira….killer….

I was Kira, the god of death…the righteous god who bestowed his judgment on those who committed crimes.

I am Kira!

Entire web sites where dedicated to me!

'The legend of Kira the savior.'

* * *

But the things changed. Then HE appeared. The meddling fool.

L, the best detective in the world.

Lind L. Taylor, a criminal.

Kira, god of the new world.

Raito Yagami, a perfect citizen , brother, son, friend, boyfriend, perfect in every possible way.

I made a fool of myself.

It was all his fault!

His fault…

He should not have meddled…

I failed that test.

Failed it!

I was publicly humiliated, reduced to nothing!

And it was all his fault!

All his!

I hated him for it.

Hated him for taunting me, hated him for wining the battle.

I wanted to see him suffer.

I wanted to win the war, wanted to win the war that hade two sides fighting for 'justice'.

And I did win, but the stakes where too high, the price I paid too much.

I won, but I lost too.

* * *

L may have been the worlds greatest detective, but I hade assets of my own.

For one, my father been chef of the NPA gave me access to certain pieces of information inaccessible to the public. Of course, been able to hack into his files from my computer without leaving a trace helped me quite a bit. It allowed me to stay on top of everything, I had access to almost every bit of information L had.

On top of that, the death Note allowed me to set the time of death for my victims. I simply had to write names of the criminals I had selected with a death sentences a few days ahead and I was fine.

Criminals died wile I was at school, in gym, eating lunch, at home! I would have truly liked to be able to see L's face when he realized I was simply playing with him.

I keep Ryuk well entertain. It was fun to give L clues, to see him running around in circles, to be able to control his every move. It must have been the closes I ever came to loosing a chest game. Because that's all it was to us, a game, a mere match of chess, a game designed to test our intelligence.

I loved challenging him. Every move, every action was a challenge. And he replied. Every time, he replied to my challenges, and he won more times that not. In the end, he actually managed to corner me, to force me to think of a better plan.

I may have won the war, but L won most of the games.

* * *

He was foolish.

He antagonized me.

But then again, that was our relationship.

'To chase and be chased.'

'To win and to lose.'

'To kill and to be killed.'

Bringing the FBI into our little game was a setback. If Ray Penber trailing us hadn't annoyed Ryuk, then L might have won the game.

The cameras and mikes where an annoyance. Did L even realize how many apples I had to buy Ryuk just to get him to find all those cameras? Not to mention the magazines, I shudder just thinking about father seeing me with those.

Naomi Misora, on the other hand, almost killed me.

Ryuk was being more of a pain than usual.

L was catching up.

Sometimes I really wanted to give up.

It was all so tiring.

But I couldn't!

I was god!

And god doesn't give up with just a few setbacks.

* * *

When he was getting so close I had no choice but to turn myself in to keep the game going, I hated him more than ever.

The cell was horrible.

I was so bored.

I had to think of a better plan.

A way to win once and or all.

And I found it.

Even if it meant giving up the death note and my memories, I had planned everything.

Nothing wrong would happen.

How could it, when I had thought of every scenario possible?

I plotted for so long in that dingy cell that I got even more bored than I thought possible.

But in the end everything was ready.

It wouldn't take long now, because I found it.

A way to win the war.

A way to kill L.

* * *

We where handcuffed together so long that I almost forgot he had to die.

I wanted to forget.

I wanted us to keep on playing our endless game of cat and mouse.

But it doesn't work that way.

It can't.

And then I won.

L lost.

I had killed L!

He had been right all along about me and I proved it by smirking at him as he lay dying in my arms.

I cried.

I yelled.

I scream at him to stay.

I meant it.

I miss him.

* * *

I won, but I lost, too.

I hated him but I loved him.

Kira hated L, but Light loved Ryuuzaki.

Too bad I realized it too late.

* * *

Do you understand now, child?

Do you understand what that man was to you?

Do you understand why we can not simply let you forget?

Do you understand, Kira?

Do you understand, Light?

* * *

**A/N: God this thing is so retarded! Ok so I was trying to make it confusing and weird cuz Light is just starting to remember that he was in fact a murderer. The next chapter is the official ****official**** start of this fic! I was originally planning on making it end later but :shrug: oh well. Can't believe I wrote this in one sitting with a cold…I need coffee now. With chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.**


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